[ Because she is selfish and she is scared and she wants to keep her as she is for as long as she can, because she knows, she knows what is going to happen, sooner or later, and she can't bare the thought of losing her. The more time passes, the more she can see it. Her becoming more concerned for the hive. Giving up the little parts of herself slowly, bit by bit. And the more she does, the more Parker has to face the fact that she will have to pull away, bit by bit. Cut the little threads, bit by bit. She does not connect to the ones brought over. She does not care. She keeps her walls up, builds them higher, and higher, and higher.
She will be alive for it, but she won't be Parker's anymore. Because she can't-- won't let herself be part of the hive, of the brood. Won't, won't, won't. It makes her sick just to think of it. Even if it meant-- even if it meant to stay with her a little bit longer.
She is doing what she told herself not to do. To become an obstacle. But what hurts more is the fact that she knows well that for Angel, the choice is easy (and how hypocritical of her to feel hurt by it, when her own choice of keeping her distance comes as easy, if not more so - but it is just heartbreaking to know that it will always be like that for her, that every thing she attaches herself to, she is loyal to, will always eventually be taken away).
Her shoulders shake a little bit. Almost imperceptible, but how could she not see it when her heart is wrenched so tight in wires under her burning chest? Can feel the corner of her eyes wet, trying to close them so tight it almost gives her a headache. ]
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She will be alive for it, but she won't be Parker's anymore. Because she can't-- won't let herself be part of the hive, of the brood. Won't, won't, won't. It makes her sick just to think of it. Even if it meant-- even if it meant to stay with her a little bit longer.
She is doing what she told herself not to do. To become an obstacle. But what hurts more is the fact that she knows well that for Angel, the choice is easy (and how hypocritical of her to feel hurt by it, when her own choice of keeping her distance comes as easy, if not more so - but it is just heartbreaking to know that it will always be like that for her, that every thing she attaches herself to, she is loyal to, will always eventually be taken away).
Her shoulders shake a little bit. Almost imperceptible, but how could she not see it when her heart is wrenched so tight in wires under her burning chest? Can feel the corner of her eyes wet, trying to close them so tight it almost gives her a headache. ]
Choose me. Just this once. Just this once.