[ Angel is so quiet that Parker thinks she has already lost her and it makes her gasp for air as a sob rakes through her. All that strength she puts up, the front of stoicism, the anger, all of it is a mask for Parker's immense sadness. It is why she is so loyal to the small circle she lets in. She would do anything to keep them safe. She would set herself on fire. She would burn for them. And maybe that is her overpowering sense of worthlessness and guilt, or the need she has for self-destruction. Whatever it is, regardless of its violence, it is moved by her heart. She tries to keep it hidden. But sometimes she feels so much she thinks she could bleed through her chest.
She feels her settle in front of her but doesn't-- can't move. Trying to breathe in. Breathe out. Fingers so tight in her hair she might just rip it out. Knows, knows so well, knows too much, that this is what they are and all they can be and nothing more, nothing less. How they will always walk the tight space of distant threads that are so tangled up any pull on them makes them tighter and painful. She never wanted to be more, never wanted for this to happen. She didn't want her kindness nor her warmth. But Angel had given her that, more, more, and Parker kept chasing it. Like running a straight line in the dark with no direction. Always trying to reach but never quite fully there.
Parker doesn't look up. She falls forward. Scrapping knees on the ground, but that is only normal. Curls her fingers around the front of Angel's jacket and keeps herself there. Touching but at a distance. Her whole body weighs like sinking steel. Clings to her clothes, tight under curled fingers, head down. ]
Don't go.
[ She says again in a sob, in a small voice, in a nothingness of a whisper. Looks up to her, eyes wet, shiny, red. Feels so-- betrayed, but knows she has no right to feel like that, she has her own secrets, with so many walls, but it hurts that she didn't know, that she only told her because she pushed and it shatters through her like glass, cuts like shards, bleeds tiny cuts everywhere. ]
I need you.
[ Selfish coward. Weak, worthless, guilty. And yet she still gets to be the one that lives. ]
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She feels her settle in front of her but doesn't-- can't move. Trying to breathe in. Breathe out. Fingers so tight in her hair she might just rip it out. Knows, knows so well, knows too much, that this is what they are and all they can be and nothing more, nothing less. How they will always walk the tight space of distant threads that are so tangled up any pull on them makes them tighter and painful. She never wanted to be more, never wanted for this to happen. She didn't want her kindness nor her warmth. But Angel had given her that, more, more, and Parker kept chasing it. Like running a straight line in the dark with no direction. Always trying to reach but never quite fully there.
Parker doesn't look up. She falls forward. Scrapping knees on the ground, but that is only normal. Curls her fingers around the front of Angel's jacket and keeps herself there. Touching but at a distance. Her whole body weighs like sinking steel. Clings to her clothes, tight under curled fingers, head down. ]
Don't go.
[ She says again in a sob, in a small voice, in a nothingness of a whisper. Looks up to her, eyes wet, shiny, red. Feels so-- betrayed, but knows she has no right to feel like that, she has her own secrets, with so many walls, but it hurts that she didn't know, that she only told her because she pushed and it shatters through her like glass, cuts like shards, bleeds tiny cuts everywhere. ]
I need you.
[ Selfish coward. Weak, worthless, guilty. And yet she still gets to be the one that lives. ]