[ She always knew that this, them, had a short span. Always knew it was something that would not last. Something short and easy. But there is a difference between knowing and accepting it. She thought she had. That she was all set to break apart when the time came. It is the main reason for the avoidance. For the fleeing looks and the shyness (other than, actual shyness). She hasn't, however. Because being with her makes her feel a little bit better about all this. Feels like it doesn't tire herself that much, even when it does. A little solace in all of this.
But she hasn't accepted and it is why it hurts so much. Parker presses her face tighter against Angel's shoulder as the ache spreads over her, doesn't go, clings to her like tar. She slips her arms around her waist, flattens her hands against her back. Feels-- sorry. Feels for her. Feels bad about all of this and most of all, hates that she can do nothing to help Angel and is so jealous the hive has given her an answer (not that she would know her if she hadn't, but for all her logical side, Parker often thinks with her heart).
She opens her eyes, cheek against her shoulder, as she stares off into nothing. The horizon of the tall buildings, all alien and pretty. Pain still swirling, but pushing it slowly inside of her. Swallowing it down and into her chest, where it burns and transforms into anger. But not now. Now she is just-- aching. Parker leans her head back slightly, pressing her nose to her cheek. Doesn't say anything because she has nothing to say (never has the proper words anyway). Brushes her lips to her soft skin. Takes in her scent and god, she wants to memorize it forever. ]
I'm sorry.
[ And it has been years since those words have left her mouth. But she is not apologizing for what it is, or what it was. She is apologizing for what will inevitably be. ]
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But she hasn't accepted and it is why it hurts so much. Parker presses her face tighter against Angel's shoulder as the ache spreads over her, doesn't go, clings to her like tar. She slips her arms around her waist, flattens her hands against her back. Feels-- sorry. Feels for her. Feels bad about all of this and most of all, hates that she can do nothing to help Angel and is so jealous the hive has given her an answer (not that she would know her if she hadn't, but for all her logical side, Parker often thinks with her heart).
She opens her eyes, cheek against her shoulder, as she stares off into nothing. The horizon of the tall buildings, all alien and pretty. Pain still swirling, but pushing it slowly inside of her. Swallowing it down and into her chest, where it burns and transforms into anger. But not now. Now she is just-- aching. Parker leans her head back slightly, pressing her nose to her cheek. Doesn't say anything because she has nothing to say (never has the proper words anyway). Brushes her lips to her soft skin. Takes in her scent and god, she wants to memorize it forever. ]
I'm sorry.
[ And it has been years since those words have left her mouth. But she is not apologizing for what it is, or what it was. She is apologizing for what will inevitably be. ]