[ There are no words that have that effect, settled in Parker's lap, her fingers in her hair and her lips just there under hers, the words are the most damning thing in the world. Never says it, never wants to hear it. There were a hundred things she could say or do but they can't be pried from her own mouth. Never again.
But just that she will shut her eyes now, and it will be Parkers face behind her eyelids, the feel of the blood splashed against her uniform, the soft feeling of her hair and the way her eyes always - always looked at her and - ]
Why did you have to say it? I never needed you to say it.
[ Her fingers slip through her hair, drawing down to her cheek to hold her there. Soft in her fingers and the kiss when it comes is soft, soft, soft, less than a goodbye, but an answer in itself that can't come out of her mouth ever again. Someone else had seen to that a long time ago. There's no spark, she pushes itself out of herself now.
The wings manifest bold and bright and huge. Nothing but concentrated energy given form. All her own ability as she draws herself up, pushing . A too familiar feeling as she flaps them down the one and uses the momentum to pull herself off of her. Air pushing past her as she settles back on the floor. One foot then the other, if she has grace, it is in this. In the sure roll of her own power. ]
You never -
[ It's there, in between the words, and she pushes past it all - I love you, - Parker, Parker, Parker. Oh, she thought doing this all over again would somehow remove the hurt from it. This was a mistake, but they're too far gone but she can't - she won't. She won't be that person, ever again.
She turns her back to her, she steps away and goes to the door, the motions are automatic, removed. The sleek white walls that are cool to the touch and she flicks her fingers at the datapad in a crackle of electricity and it springs open. It's then, she looks back, turning to glance over her shoulder - one last look, she can have one. ]
- When you're able: stand up and go to the hangar. There will be a ship waiting for you. There won't be anyone left here by the time you do, so don't... don't worry.
[ Because either way, whatever her good intentions, or maybe just selfishness, it didn't matter that at the chance, the compromising of survival that so many here desperately sought, they could not stay. Not if there was even the slightest chance. Too many of them had fought too hard for that. Weighs there, rocking of her weight and her fingers press harder against the door. The worst part is that it is there, it's nauseously there between her words. She does, she does love her but she can't say it if this wasn't good enough then she could give her. ]
Please, don't bother looking for us.
[ Dry, dry, dry, there's nothing, nothing, she is a million eyes and a million ears and she cannot, cannot be touched. She cannot be hurt. She will give her what she cannot otherwise, she will replace the words that will never come out of her mouth and she not, not regret it all -
Then she's gone, the wings short-circuiting themselves and she darts around the corner. A dimming of quick footsteps in an empty corridor. ]
no subject
But just that she will shut her eyes now, and it will be Parkers face behind her eyelids, the feel of the blood splashed against her uniform, the soft feeling of her hair and the way her eyes always - always looked at her and - ]
Why did you have to say it? I never needed you to say it.
[ Her fingers slip through her hair, drawing down to her cheek to hold her there. Soft in her fingers and the kiss when it comes is soft, soft, soft, less than a goodbye, but an answer in itself that can't come out of her mouth ever again. Someone else had seen to that a long time ago. There's no spark, she pushes itself out of herself now.
The wings manifest bold and bright and huge. Nothing but concentrated energy given form. All her own ability as she draws herself up, pushing . A too familiar feeling as she flaps them down the one and uses the momentum to pull herself off of her. Air pushing past her as she settles back on the floor. One foot then the other, if she has grace, it is in this. In the sure roll of her own power. ]
You never -
[ It's there, in between the words, and she pushes past it all - I love you, - Parker, Parker, Parker. Oh, she thought doing this all over again would somehow remove the hurt from it. This was a mistake, but they're too far gone but she can't - she won't. She won't be that person, ever again.
She turns her back to her, she steps away and goes to the door, the motions are automatic, removed. The sleek white walls that are cool to the touch and she flicks her fingers at the datapad in a crackle of electricity and it springs open. It's then, she looks back, turning to glance over her shoulder - one last look, she can have one. ]
- When you're able: stand up and go to the hangar. There will be a ship waiting for you. There won't be anyone left here by the time you do, so don't... don't worry.
[ Because either way, whatever her good intentions, or maybe just selfishness, it didn't matter that at the chance, the compromising of survival that so many here desperately sought, they could not stay. Not if there was even the slightest chance. Too many of them had fought too hard for that. Weighs there, rocking of her weight and her fingers press harder against the door. The worst part is that it is there, it's nauseously there between her words. She does, she does love her but she can't say it if this wasn't good enough then she could give her. ]
Please, don't bother looking for us.
[ Dry, dry, dry, there's nothing, nothing, she is a million eyes and a million ears and she cannot, cannot be touched. She cannot be hurt. She will give her what she cannot otherwise, she will replace the words that will never come out of her mouth and she not, not regret it all -
Then she's gone, the wings short-circuiting themselves and she darts around the corner. A dimming of quick footsteps in an empty corridor. ]