[ If one was to wonder, it is laughable what opposites they were. Angel isn't soft but gives easily that impression, easy to manipulate like that, pose as harmless to then weave them in to her play. Parker is the exact opposite. He is rough and biting, but the easiest thing to be soft. Both breakable in completely opposite ways.
It's why when she is soft, Parker can feel his heart wrench in his chest. But Parker has long gotten used to the terrible ache. Not only from here, but from back home too. You get used to the pain. You feel it (he is only human), it never goes away, but you handle it. So when she begs of him, Parker only frowns as he pushes his box of antidote into the backpack carefully (a weakness he only allows her to see, the sickness that corrodes him, that can turn him into an undead at any time). He doesn't look at her, because he knows his stubbornness will waver if he does.
She always hurts him so much without knowing (maybe, he wonders sometimes, such a smart woman, surely she knows how to pick her words). Us. After all this time, she still insists on it. He doesn't care for any of them. Maybe a handful, if that much. He cares the world for her. But she will never see it and he will never be able to prove it. ]
Stop asking me that. [ Parker frowns, clenching his jaw. ] Look, I get it. You want them. I've given up in trying to be more than I can for you. I'm not that much of an asshole to force you to accept me when what you want I can't give you.
[ Each word that leaves his mouth is an ache to himself. A stab, a constant reminder. He gets it. He does. She wants to be with more than him. Fine. He can't handle that, however. He's not forcing her to change that. But he can't handle not being enough for her. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. His heart can only handle so much. ]
[ She is ever the dark thing that lives in the caves, that way, she is the name of her kind. Siren, all sweet singing, soft feathers, but there is ruin there. Beautiful, not quite right, but they kill, they kill, they kill. It's not often she truly is as she appears. after everything she cannot allow anything less than her constant vigilance. Not even because she does not trust those close to her - but she has seen too much violence, caused as much. ]
It's never been that. I want you, I want you with me, with every part of me.
[ He does this - she hates it some days, she cares as much as she does. He, this other piece of her. Turns her control over itself. ] Why can't you understand that?
[ He keeps avoiding looking at her. Because he knows all too well that looking at her will break his heart. She has it, she always does, but he can't let her share it with anyone else. It's hers to do whatever - except that. Never that.
So he turns his back to her as he drops the bag on the chair, biting the inside of his lip. He's not going to look at her. His resolution will shatter the instant he does. Her voice alone is enough to burn him. ]
I get that. [ He says, through gritted teeth. ] That's the problem. I don't want them. I only want you.
[ She doesn't give him that, he can't leave her, leave them - and the rest of the brood understands that - he's always been there by a thread with them, and how they wanted him to come back. But he was difficult, all burning wood that burned fingers when trying to grasp him.
She just was used to being burnt. ]
You have me. You have all of me. [ Because she loved, so they loved, she just couldn't say it. So no, it's not fair, as she steps closer when he won't look at her. She comes into his space, her face turned up, her closeness a warmth and a her words murmured. ] If you want to go, fine then, but at least look at me when you walk away from me.
[ Not fair, not fair, but he couldn't take this part of her and walk away with it. ]
[ He doesn't need a symbiote in his brain to tell him she's closer. He can always tell when she's closer because his heart beats a little faster and there's a nice warmth in his belly and he can smell the scent of her, sweet, can't quite describe it. It isn't floral or herbal, even when she wears her perfume, it isn't anything like-- well, it's warmth. She smells warm. Not like wood and fire smell, but how a soft blanket feels in winter storms. How inside feels when outside is cold and dark.
Sometimes, it feels like a sickness, the way he feels for her, like it could kill him, more than the disease he carries with him.
Parker make the softest of noises when she speaks again. Between her and the wall, there really is no other way than to turn around but, god, for once, he doesn't want to. But he does anyway, because it's so hard to deny her anything, and she knows it is, and she shouldn't be using this on him, not him, he should-- he should have the right to be different, even when he doesn't have the right to ask for it.
So, he turns. But he doesn't look. The broken look on his face as he stares so sadly at the floor. He wants to bury his face on her warm neck. He wants her arms around him. Her fingers in his hair. He wants to kiss her, to kiss her, to kiss her so much. But he just stands there limp and wordless and miserable because he can't have her for only himself, like the selfish thing he is. ]
[ It's a dance, at this point - a cruel one, that's all vicious steps over hot coals. One day, one of them will snap, it will be too much - she will be too far gone, he won't be able to stand it anything. There will come a point
A point where the way she steps in again where she won't look at her, and uses it so viciously, so softly, brushes the tip of her nose up, against his, where she stands little, a sway inside his reach, she's there - she's just there - if he'd but reach out and take her. ]
Go on then, [ it's soft, oh but the symbiote hums with it, true, but not so much as her skin does. ] I'm waiting.
It twists unkindly in his chest when she walks in closer, like he usually likes it. The air on his forearms stands up from closeness alone. His throat tighter for it, and Parker frowns, fists clenching by his side. More often than not, he rejects easily anything. Even things he wants, Parker has always had great self control. And it didn't use to be like this, really. In fact, at first, they couldn't stand each other. Biting and clawing and little digs every day. A dislike that slowly faded to give way to something-- something so raw. And, not unlike this moment here, they had both given into it in this kind of them,
On that feeling, he silently, always, hopes for that. That it's not just him that hurts so much. Or maybe it would be kinder to be alone in this.
Parker doesn't look, not yet. He knows he will be weak. He knows he will have no defense against her. Knows it will be gone once he looks into her big blue eyes. Broken to a million pieces and only her could put it back together. Only her would know enough to set the pieces of the puzzle Parker is.
He closes his eyes with a painful hiccup in the back of his throat, the way her nose touches his and her lips are so close, so close, and she is so cruel, she is too much, she is everything he doesn't want her to be, and everything he needs her to be. And it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair. It's not fair that she is the way she is and that he can't have her for himself and that he wants to tell her all the words that eat at his heart but he would never be cruel. He is not cruel and she knows he is soft and she has power over him that she shouldn't.
When he flickers his eyes up at her, finally, his heart twists harder. He holds, for a second, and then tilts his head to bury it on her neck, his hair tickling against her skin as he does, wrapping his arms around her waist. So tight, like he always does, all those words he can't say in there. ]
Why can't I be enough for you?
[ He can't stand it, that unbearable notion, that he will never be. ]
Edited (words it better to twist the knife in tbh) 2016-09-29 14:51 (UTC)
[ He caves, she knows he will, as he wraps around her, draws her in and she bends so easily into it. She'll always be here, always be soft against him if he'll but reach for her. Doesn't want him to go, never wants him to go. Her hands slip up his shoulders, over them to brace against his neck as he turns into her.
Her eyes are lowered, and the dig is exact, sharp, into him enough to hurt them both because no, they don't exchange blows anymore, they don't need to. This close, it doesn't need to be wild slashing movements, all he has to do is murmur into her skin and she feels the sting, and nursing the wound, she drives back sharp and unfairly: ]
Why can't you accept what I am?
[ No room to escape as her arms lock about him, pressing into him. ]
Parker doesn't move from his place, all locked in and tight against her. He can't. He can't think of her with other people. It's so selfish, but he can't. He always knew this was how it was going to be, but the more often he fell into her arms, the more he didn't want it to be like that. He can't think of her with others. He wants to keep her all for himself.
He makes a pitiful sound into her neck, closing his eyes as he stays there in her embrace, face pressed into the warmth of her skin. He wants to push her away. He wants to kiss her over and over. He wants to get out, he wants to stay. His heart digs and digs into his chest.
Because he loves her and he will never be able to say it. ]
I don't want to share you. [ He finally concedes in a small, guilty voice; he knows it's not fair and it's not right, and it's not what they talked about. But he just can't bare the thought. It stings. ]
[ she lingers, letting him speak and - there is no answer to this. There will never be an answer to this, they will never have a good answer for it. They just have a series of bandages they stretch over their wounds and she sucks in a breath. ]
This - ?
[ Her fingers lift off him to go to her own uniform, leaning back so he can see down the line of her body. Moves to her zipper and tugs it down, a slow gesture that's too purposeful to be a mistake. ] This - this you never have to share, you know that.
[ Down, down, down it comes and there's nothing underneath - not when she's on down time at least, as she leans in, hangs in close in the way he can't look away. The pallid soft skin he has traced over a dozen times, a canvas so far as she's also just so untouched, so soft under his fingers - and the sound she makes on the edge of her words is so close, so here, the way she always sounds when he's touching her. ] This is all yours.
[ The one thing she can give him alone. Using it, always using parts of herself, in kindness and cruelty. It's what she knows how to do. ]
[ But that's not all, is it? Because that's what he gets, but he always wants more. He has more than others, but he still wants more-- he wants her entirely. He wants to have more than the gift of touching her. He tries to follow when she pulls back, but stops half-way when she moves her hands and there's a sudden drop in the pit of his stomach.
Parker knows, oh, he knows, that she's reeling him in with the way she knows best. He loves mapping her skin with fingers and lips, his heart skips every time he thinks about all those stolen nights with his head between her legs, or her making him gasp her name over and over, or-- Christ, just a look makes him waver, how pathetic is that? The control she has over him doesn't make him feel uncomfortable, but sometimes it's scary. He is aware of it, and part of it is because he knows she needs that and he's giving, he lets her take it, he always does. He wishes she didn't so often, but it's how things are between them. As soft and caring and giving as it is destructive and unhealthy. It's a very fine threaded balance.
Parker grabs her wrists, gently enveloping his fingers around them, and tugs her closer again, pulling her arms around his neck, pressing her chest to his softly. ]
So am I.
[ He finally admits in a small voice, pressing his forehead to hers as he holds his arms around her waist. But he is all of himself. He is not anything if not hers - but only hers. And he trusts her, he trusts her to know that she wouldn't share him with anyone else, but he knows that she must want. He just will never allow it.
He leans back a little, to look at her, and then presses a simple kiss to her cheek. An apology if he ever gives one. He can't belong to anyone else. He wouldn't stand it. His heart is simultaneous too much and not enough for that. And it belongs to Angel alone. ]
[ She leaves herself open to him. She's so easy to him, she always is. Because there's something to the times he crawls over her - and more to the times she's crawled over him. Held him down by his wrists and -
she raises a hand, flat to his heart and leans into his throat where he is that little bit taller than her. Not content with his -- apology of a kiss, his gentle push away - he's always feeling so sorry for himself and she just cannot stand it when she's given him more than anyone else. ]
Then why are you pulling away from me? [ She tilts her face up to his jaw, mouthing the words in a brush of a kiss. ] When do you want to leave me? Why aren't I good enough?
[ She lets out the breath she was holding in a way that's deliberately tickling. Gentle washing against his cliffs. ] I just want us to be one, I just want to be as close to you as I can be?
[ To feel how he presses into her, to feel the shudder of his thoughts as he sighs her name like she was something precious to him. ]
[ Parker doesn't say anything, tilting his face into her hair and staring off to nowhere, taking in her scent she has memorised over and over and tries to preserve on his pillow and takes to burying his face in it when she's gone in the mornings - everything he never tells her he whispers into the ghost of her warmth when she's not there.
His hand grip gently to her back, looser fabric with it unzipped at the front. He holds her close, and he knows she knows why. He knows she has all the answers. Forcing him to say it leaves blood in his mouth. ]
You are. [ It's a non-answer, but he knows Angel knows all too well why. He knows she knows he will never give into the symbiote. It hurts every time she asks him to. To stop being himself. To no longer be in control. It makes him feel sick. ] It hurts. [ That she will be gone one day. And how would he ever be able to face that? To know Angel gone. Something else in there. He is a coward that doesn't want to face that.
He tilts his head to her, heart skipping, and presses a kiss to her lips. It hurts. It hurts so much, and maybe it would be better if she drowned him like sirens did to sailors with their songs. ]
[ She sighs, sweet and terrible as he kisses her, a pull back with her eyes close and a shiver that's - she knows she has. For today, for a few days more, she has him again. He will not leave her, them, the us that hums inside of her body.
Hive knows he won't join as the rest of them have, but knows he can't seem to leave it alone. Never turns away from her when she is set on keeping him close and she's never, never fair. Pandora didn't make her believe in fair. It made her believe in taking what was given to her and holding it close because too easily is it ripped away. ( she does not trust anything but now, but here, but close, everything is ash and dust in her fingers. )
Pulls away, searching his eyes, brushing her lips against his brief but not enough - ] Then let me make it stop hurting.
[ He has long left them. The only thread holding him is Angel. She is the unbreakable one that will always pull him back. He should be stronger than this. But he can't-- not yet. What if she's gone tomorrow? What if she's still there for another year? Won't he regret having left?
He blinks his eyes open slowly when she pulls back. Nothing makes him feel as safe as her kiss. Nothing makes him feel as afraid as her warmth. In constant duality. One always stronger than the other.
Parker pulls his hands away from her back to slide them to her hips, slipping under the open uniform. Her skin is warm and soft and his hands are so soft to the flesh, holding on to her there. He leans his forehead on hers, nosing her nose sweetly. He's always so sweet to her. The real Parker under the hard front he hides in from the others. ]
You can't.
[ Because she will never come and he will never stay. ]
[ It's - true. It's irrefutable, and they are a riddle of such things to each other. Why this happened, she supposes, is that they are sadistic. Hungry, pain needing things. Grasping, needing, touch - she just needs to hurt him enough to stay, that's always been the game, and she kisses him, again, a promise inside the set of her mouth as she curves into his touch. A sigh - ]
You're right. [ swallows, eyes down on his mouth, thready. ] All we do is hurt each other. That's all we're good for to each other, aren't we?
[ She presses in, then away again, hovering like she's just water, ebbing in and out from him ( because there's the secret, there's the knot in the cord that makes this a tangled mess, she can't leave him either. He tethers her, binds her, holds her down some days where nothing else will do and she is -- terrified -- she needs him, and she doesn't like needing anything, but she needs how he buries himself in her ). ] So give me that, before you go. I know you want to.
[ She can feel it, taste it, against her tongue and she only knows things so pure that they hurt. Knows how to be hurt by that sick ugly word that bleeds out of every inch of him.
[ He never wants to hurt her. Never. But it's inevitable. She burns him. He burns her. It it goes and goes and goes, without end.
But the moment their lips brushed, he has been reeled in. It's impossible to step away from her. She's so warm and sweet and soft, and he loves her, fuck, he never planned that, but he loves her. Not like you love in the movies or in books. It's different. Under the skin, under the tongue. Knowing the feeling but never ever speaking of it. Never confronting it. A constant denial. She can't, he can't, they can't. It is not a thing that will ever be.
But she tells him to be giving, and Parker does not deny her - never does.
He steps into her, careful kiss to her cheek again. Her lips. Her jaw. Her neck. His hands slide up to her breasts, can feel the slow coil of her warmth spread in his belly and pushing lower. He wants to tell her to come with him. But he will not. He will just do what she tells him to and tilts his face up again to part his lips around hers, and he's gone, drowning, as he slips her tongue in her mouth, pressing his hips to hers and keeping warm hands over her chest.
[ She pushes her jacket the rest of the way off her body, letting it catch at her elbows just briefly as she presses her chest up into him - her head rolling back as he wanders up her neck, as his hand settles on her breast. Given into kissing him.
She knows how to burn, she knows how to work through it, pain was her only constant, and it is now. The jacket drops and her body shivers in his hold. Exposed, sensitive to how he touches her because she always is. Offers herself up always like a thing to be feasted upon, because she likes how he dips over her, gives into her. Settles himself to her like there is something to be had in her porcelain doll body.
Once it's gone, her hands come up again. Arms curving over his shoulders and knotting into his shirt. Scrunching it up in her fingers as she presses in close to him. The warm heat of her to scold him back. A steady coax that she's won even if she knows she's lost. ]
[ Even in the way they dress-- Parker never cared to done the uniform given to them. He has always preferred his own clothing, another thing to make a difference for himself. He makes a soft noise into the kiss as her hands grip into his shirt, but he doesn't want to pull away from her. Not yet. He kisses her until his lungs are burning, and even then he doesn't lean away. Dissolves into a million quick kisses, as he helps her get rid of the jacket.
He shouldn't be doing this. They shouldn't-- but Angel had asked. And Parker wants to. And excuse to delay the inevitable. He never wants to leave her. But he can't stay. She never wants to leave him. But she can't go.
Parker finally pulls back, breathing over her lips. He gets rid of his shirt with her help, doesn't care where it goes, before he starts walking them to her bed, feeling a slight pulse between his legs from only that already, because just like she is easy to him, he is easy for her. He slips his hands to the back of her thighs and slightly up, leaning in for another kiss, because he needs her, needs her always, and he likes her so much he could bleed through it. ]
[ His shirt comes off and her fingers run quick over him, dancing on his skin like this was a goodbye. It's not fair, it's never fair - because sometimes looking at him made her eyes hurt, and he wants to take himself away from her - but she deserves that too.
Stumbles back the steps, trusting him to guide her as barely parts her mouth from his. Desperate, harsh kisses that she breaths in against his mouth, like she's trying to make up for something. Her nails draw against him. Leaves welts of affection as his hands hook against the back of her thighs and tilts with it. Not willing to part from him, only to draw him down into her. ]
[ It takes some effort, but he finally manages to get to the bed. He doesn't immediately go for it, instead stopping short to focus on her kisses and the way her nails draw across his skin and leave red trails. He shivers to it, her demand and pull, and goes with it. Always does.
Parker finally manages to break away from her lips for a second, to kiss the skin of her shoulder. He is soft as he does, his hands coming down to his jeans to fumble awkwardly with his buttons and zipper. It gets a little stuck, and he's distracted for a second, and ends up giving up because it's been too long (one second) that he isn't kissing her. So he does that, hands still on his jeans, but now stopping because he wants to focus on the kiss.
It's hungry at first, almost breathless, but then he-- he thinks. Slows down for a second. He wants her now, fast, dirty, but he wants her slow and gentle. He tries to control himself a little. Tilts his head to part his mouth to hers, stepping in so suffocatingly close. Drown him, drown him. ]
[ She lingers in it, kissing him through his confusion and it turns, when she feels it - hums quietly in contemplation and takes charge of his movements. Feels the bump of the bed behind her, against her legs, the way she's poised to topple into and he might, press her down - she wouldn't mind, this once, if he held her down like he meant to never let go her. But where he stop starts, she - sighs, draws herself away from his mouth.
But it's not to go far, she kisses the side of his mouth, his jaw, his neck. Because she always wants to drown him, in her, likes the way he gasps for air and she wants that now. Get him so worked up he can't think about anything else, until he's desperate against her and only for her. Gets to his shoulder and that's where she sinks down against the bed. One knee up, folding her legs underneath her as she settles and the gesture is drawn out as she kisses down the planes of his chest. Her hands settling against him to brace herself, around the curve of his sides as she moves down, down, down until she's perched at the edge of the bed and her descent draws her level to where his hands had stilled at the waist of his pants.
She finds his hands then, meanly, pushes them away to his sides as she leans in to nuzzle against the top line, at the line of his hips with the warmth of her breath run over him as she finds the button he had managed to get undone in his fumbling and follow after it. Undoing it one by one, biting at the skin of his hips that's exposed. Pulling it red and sensitive between teeth as she hooks it down. Taking it all down and out of her way as she smoothes her hands down his sides as she keeps her eyes lowered on her work.
Right until the last, where her eyes flick up, her hands settling flat, pressed to his hips. Considering him and as she gets his pants down just enough where the tip of his cock is - right there. Her eyes are bright and blue and on him utterly before she lowers her head again, and catches him between her lips. Soft, teasing, warmth of her mouth and the tickle of her breath against him. ]
[ He tries to follow her at first, but she's spreading so many kisses he has a bit of a struggle with it. Instead, he slips a hand behind her back, soft and gentle there, but she also slowly starts to sink in. For a second, he almost follows, to sit next to her, but the hands on his make him stop. He looks a little confused at first but once she pushes them away, Parker feels the warmth bubbling up in the pit of his stomach sink suddenly. He has no idea what to do with his hands. Just looks down to her with his mouth parted in utter stunned silence. Licks his lips carefully, closing his eyes with a shudder as she pulls the sensitive skin of his hip between her mouth. The sound he makes is more like a hiccup, and he braces himself on her shoulders as his knees shake slightly, can feel the skin turning red and bruised as she bites hard on it. And, god, the way she lowers her zipper and-- and just her being there.
As she pushes his jeans down, Parker swallows dryly, looking at her. Redder than the mark she had left on his hip. ]
Are you--
[ He was going to ask if she was sure, but she cuts him off as she exposes more him, still a little soft, but it's about to change as she lowers her head. He closes his eyes, holding on to this moment. As much as he loves giving head, does every time, he can't help not to love the way her mouth feels so good and so warm and it makes his stomach twist a little. Can't help but to be a lot into it either, using his free hand to push his jeans and briefs down to let it fall around his ankles. Parker bends over himself just a fraction, can't help not to, setting a hand flat between her shoulders blades, brushing up and down in gentle caress. ]
Angel-- [ Pleading, begging, whatever she wants it to be. ]
[ She sinks her head down as he gives her space - hardly needs the prompting, apparently, but she's not being subtle. Where she's lost her shirt, bare from the waist up, and the hand on her back is more encouragement. Stretches herself out better, settling her weight on her knees to give herself the leverage as she relaxes herself into it. Her back curling and her body arched into the movement to make it smooth.
Her hands balance her, lets her get the movement she wants as she takes him further into her mouth, as much as she can. He settles heavy against her tongue and she flicks with it as she draws her head back again. One, cold second of the air in contrast to the heat she'd wrapped him in before her hand shifts to cover the base of him in a steadier pressure. Quick little movement as she works him over once, then twice with her fingers, then she moves her mouth around him again, tilting her eyes up again to fix on him as she does it this time. Feeling the jolt of him echo all the way down her to her belly. She's always gotten the same curling warmth any time she touched him and he - responded to her like this. Where he can't seem to manage more than her name.
Which then she does, the worst sort of way: where her mouth closes around him and can taste him, feel him, let him settle in a way that's utterly unforgiving heat and she hums in response, all around him. Just to see - how much she could make him buckle but not quite fall yet. ]
[ Completely at her mercy. That's his state right then.
It's hard to think about anything but her mouth on him. It's not like it's something she indulges in often, so Parker is still trying to keep himself as steady as possible to not to break concentration. It takes all of his will to not to move his hips too much, even more so as she takes more of him into her warm mouth. He holds in his breath, biting his lower lip, a frown of deep concentration to keep steady when he feels her tongue over his sensitive skin. Can feel himself go harder in her mouth and-- Jesus, the hair at the back of his neck stands as she wraps her fingers around him. He swallows, like it's the hardest thing to do, breathing out shakily to try to steady himself.
It almost shatters as she looks up and, yeah, he's watching, how could he not? All red in the cheeks and ears. Closes his eyes with a moan when she works him with her hand and mouth, shuddering from head to toe. It curls inside him, slow and steady, she's so terrible to him.
Not as much as she is when she hums around him and he can't help himself. His knees buckle slightly and Parker quickly holds on to her shoulders for support, higher noise that's almost funny if it wasn't so hotbecause he's definitely a bottom. ]
O-oh, fuck-- Fuck--
[ What are words again? All he knows to do is bring the hand from her back to her hair, holding it back gently, still doing his best not to jerk his hips, feeling himself throb with her mouth around him, so unforgiving. ]
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no subject
It's why when she is soft, Parker can feel his heart wrench in his chest. But Parker has long gotten used to the terrible ache. Not only from here, but from back home too. You get used to the pain. You feel it (he is only human), it never goes away, but you handle it. So when she begs of him, Parker only frowns as he pushes his box of antidote into the backpack carefully (a weakness he only allows her to see, the sickness that corrodes him, that can turn him into an undead at any time). He doesn't look at her, because he knows his stubbornness will waver if he does.
She always hurts him so much without knowing (maybe, he wonders sometimes, such a smart woman, surely she knows how to pick her words). Us. After all this time, she still insists on it. He doesn't care for any of them. Maybe a handful, if that much. He cares the world for her. But she will never see it and he will never be able to prove it. ]
Stop asking me that. [ Parker frowns, clenching his jaw. ] Look, I get it. You want them. I've given up in trying to be more than I can for you. I'm not that much of an asshole to force you to accept me when what you want I can't give you.
[ Each word that leaves his mouth is an ache to himself. A stab, a constant reminder. He gets it. He does. She wants to be with more than him. Fine. He can't handle that, however. He's not forcing her to change that. But he can't handle not being enough for her. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. His heart can only handle so much. ]
no subject
It's never been that. I want you, I want you with me, with every part of me.
[ He does this - she hates it some days, she cares as much as she does. He, this other piece of her. Turns her control over itself. ] Why can't you understand that?
no subject
So he turns his back to her as he drops the bag on the chair, biting the inside of his lip. He's not going to look at her. His resolution will shatter the instant he does. Her voice alone is enough to burn him. ]
I get that. [ He says, through gritted teeth. ] That's the problem. I don't want them. I only want you.
[ He doesn't love them. He only loves her. ]
no subject
She just was used to being burnt. ]
You have me. You have all of me. [ Because she loved, so they loved, she just couldn't say it. So no, it's not fair, as she steps closer when he won't look at her. She comes into his space, her face turned up, her closeness a warmth and a her words murmured. ] If you want to go, fine then, but at least look at me when you walk away from me.
[ Not fair, not fair, but he couldn't take this part of her and walk away with it. ]
no subject
Sometimes, it feels like a sickness, the way he feels for her, like it could kill him, more than the disease he carries with him.
Parker make the softest of noises when she speaks again. Between her and the wall, there really is no other way than to turn around but, god, for once, he doesn't want to. But he does anyway, because it's so hard to deny her anything, and she knows it is, and she shouldn't be using this on him, not him, he should-- he should have the right to be different, even when he doesn't have the right to ask for it.
So, he turns. But he doesn't look. The broken look on his face as he stares so sadly at the floor. He wants to bury his face on her warm neck. He wants her arms around him. Her fingers in his hair. He wants to kiss her, to kiss her, to kiss her so much. But he just stands there limp and wordless and miserable because he can't have her for only himself, like the selfish thing he is. ]
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A point where the way she steps in again where she won't look at her, and uses it so viciously, so softly, brushes the tip of her nose up, against his, where she stands little, a sway inside his reach, she's there - she's just there - if he'd but reach out and take her. ]
Go on then, [ it's soft, oh but the symbiote hums with it, true, but not so much as her skin does. ] I'm waiting.
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It twists unkindly in his chest when she walks in closer, like he usually likes it. The air on his forearms stands up from closeness alone. His throat tighter for it, and Parker frowns, fists clenching by his side. More often than not, he rejects easily anything. Even things he wants, Parker has always had great self control. And it didn't use to be like this, really. In fact, at first, they couldn't stand each other. Biting and clawing and little digs every day. A dislike that slowly faded to give way to something-- something so raw. And, not unlike this moment here, they had both given into it in this kind of them,
On that feeling, he silently, always, hopes for that. That it's not just him that hurts so much. Or maybe it would be kinder to be alone in this.
Parker doesn't look, not yet. He knows he will be weak. He knows he will have no defense against her. Knows it will be gone once he looks into her big blue eyes. Broken to a million pieces and only her could put it back together. Only her would know enough to set the pieces of the puzzle Parker is.
He closes his eyes with a painful hiccup in the back of his throat, the way her nose touches his and her lips are so close, so close, and she is so cruel, she is too much, she is everything he doesn't want her to be, and everything he needs her to be. And it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair. It's not fair that she is the way she is and that he can't have her for himself and that he wants to tell her all the words that eat at his heart but he would never be cruel. He is not cruel and she knows he is soft and she has power over him that she shouldn't.
When he flickers his eyes up at her, finally, his heart twists harder. He holds, for a second, and then tilts his head to bury it on her neck, his hair tickling against her skin as he does, wrapping his arms around her waist. So tight, like he always does, all those words he can't say in there. ]
Why can't I be enough for you?
[ He can't stand it, that unbearable notion, that he will never be. ]
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Her eyes are lowered, and the dig is exact, sharp, into him enough to hurt them both because no, they don't exchange blows anymore, they don't need to. This close, it doesn't need to be wild slashing movements, all he has to do is murmur into her skin and she feels the sting, and nursing the wound, she drives back sharp and unfairly: ]
Why can't you accept what I am?
[ No room to escape as her arms lock about him, pressing into him. ]
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Parker doesn't move from his place, all locked in and tight against her. He can't. He can't think of her with other people. It's so selfish, but he can't. He always knew this was how it was going to be, but the more often he fell into her arms, the more he didn't want it to be like that. He can't think of her with others. He wants to keep her all for himself.
He makes a pitiful sound into her neck, closing his eyes as he stays there in her embrace, face pressed into the warmth of her skin. He wants to push her away. He wants to kiss her over and over. He wants to get out, he wants to stay. His heart digs and digs into his chest.
Because he loves her and he will never be able to say it. ]
I don't want to share you. [ He finally concedes in a small, guilty voice; he knows it's not fair and it's not right, and it's not what they talked about. But he just can't bare the thought. It stings. ]
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This - ?
[ Her fingers lift off him to go to her own uniform, leaning back so he can see down the line of her body. Moves to her zipper and tugs it down, a slow gesture that's too purposeful to be a mistake. ] This - this you never have to share, you know that.
[ Down, down, down it comes and there's nothing underneath - not when she's on down time at least, as she leans in, hangs in close in the way he can't look away. The pallid soft skin he has traced over a dozen times, a canvas so far as she's also just so untouched, so soft under his fingers - and the sound she makes on the edge of her words is so close, so here, the way she always sounds when he's touching her. ] This is all yours.
[ The one thing she can give him alone. Using it, always using parts of herself, in kindness and cruelty. It's what she knows how to do. ]
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Parker knows, oh, he knows, that she's reeling him in with the way she knows best. He loves mapping her skin with fingers and lips, his heart skips every time he thinks about all those stolen nights with his head between her legs, or her making him gasp her name over and over, or-- Christ, just a look makes him waver, how pathetic is that? The control she has over him doesn't make him feel uncomfortable, but sometimes it's scary. He is aware of it, and part of it is because he knows she needs that and he's giving, he lets her take it, he always does. He wishes she didn't so often, but it's how things are between them. As soft and caring and giving as it is destructive and unhealthy. It's a very fine threaded balance.
Parker grabs her wrists, gently enveloping his fingers around them, and tugs her closer again, pulling her arms around his neck, pressing her chest to his softly. ]
So am I.
[ He finally admits in a small voice, pressing his forehead to hers as he holds his arms around her waist. But he is all of himself. He is not anything if not hers - but only hers. And he trusts her, he trusts her to know that she wouldn't share him with anyone else, but he knows that she must want. He just will never allow it.
He leans back a little, to look at her, and then presses a simple kiss to her cheek. An apology if he ever gives one. He can't belong to anyone else. He wouldn't stand it. His heart is simultaneous too much and not enough for that. And it belongs to Angel alone. ]
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she raises a hand, flat to his heart and leans into his throat where he is that little bit taller than her. Not content with his -- apology of a kiss, his gentle push away - he's always feeling so sorry for himself and she just cannot stand it when she's given him more than anyone else. ]
Then why are you pulling away from me? [ She tilts her face up to his jaw, mouthing the words in a brush of a kiss. ] When do you want to leave me? Why aren't I good enough?
[ She lets out the breath she was holding in a way that's deliberately tickling. Gentle washing against his cliffs. ] I just want us to be one, I just want to be as close to you as I can be?
[ To feel how he presses into her, to feel the shudder of his thoughts as he sighs her name like she was something precious to him. ]
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His hand grip gently to her back, looser fabric with it unzipped at the front. He holds her close, and he knows she knows why. He knows she has all the answers. Forcing him to say it leaves blood in his mouth. ]
You are. [ It's a non-answer, but he knows Angel knows all too well why. He knows she knows he will never give into the symbiote. It hurts every time she asks him to. To stop being himself. To no longer be in control. It makes him feel sick. ] It hurts. [ That she will be gone one day. And how would he ever be able to face that? To know Angel gone. Something else in there. He is a coward that doesn't want to face that.
He tilts his head to her, heart skipping, and presses a kiss to her lips. It hurts. It hurts so much, and maybe it would be better if she drowned him like sirens did to sailors with their songs. ]
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Hive knows he won't join as the rest of them have, but knows he can't seem to leave it alone. Never turns away from her when she is set on keeping him close and she's never, never fair. Pandora didn't make her believe in fair. It made her believe in taking what was given to her and holding it close because too easily is it ripped away. ( she does not trust anything but now, but here, but close, everything is ash and dust in her fingers. )
Pulls away, searching his eyes, brushing her lips against his brief but not enough - ] Then let me make it stop hurting.
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He blinks his eyes open slowly when she pulls back. Nothing makes him feel as safe as her kiss. Nothing makes him feel as afraid as her warmth. In constant duality. One always stronger than the other.
Parker pulls his hands away from her back to slide them to her hips, slipping under the open uniform. Her skin is warm and soft and his hands are so soft to the flesh, holding on to her there. He leans his forehead on hers, nosing her nose sweetly. He's always so sweet to her. The real Parker under the hard front he hides in from the others. ]
You can't.
[ Because she will never come and he will never stay. ]
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You're right. [ swallows, eyes down on his mouth, thready. ] All we do is hurt each other. That's all we're good for to each other, aren't we?
[ She presses in, then away again, hovering like she's just water, ebbing in and out from him ( because there's the secret, there's the knot in the cord that makes this a tangled mess, she can't leave him either. He tethers her, binds her, holds her down some days where nothing else will do and she is -- terrified -- she needs him, and she doesn't like needing anything, but she needs how he buries himself in her ). ] So give me that, before you go. I know you want to.
[ She can feel it, taste it, against her tongue and she only knows things so pure that they hurt. Knows how to be hurt by that sick ugly word that bleeds out of every inch of him.
( love, love, love. ) ]
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But the moment their lips brushed, he has been reeled in. It's impossible to step away from her. She's so warm and sweet and soft, and he loves her, fuck, he never planned that, but he loves her. Not like you love in the movies or in books. It's different. Under the skin, under the tongue. Knowing the feeling but never ever speaking of it. Never confronting it. A constant denial. She can't, he can't, they can't. It is not a thing that will ever be.
But she tells him to be giving, and Parker does not deny her - never does.
He steps into her, careful kiss to her cheek again. Her lips. Her jaw. Her neck. His hands slide up to her breasts, can feel the slow coil of her warmth spread in his belly and pushing lower. He wants to tell her to come with him. But he will not. He will just do what she tells him to and tilts his face up again to part his lips around hers, and he's gone, drowning, as he slips her tongue in her mouth, pressing his hips to hers and keeping warm hands over her chest.
He's gone, gone, because he's hers. ]
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She knows how to burn, she knows how to work through it, pain was her only constant, and it is now. The jacket drops and her body shivers in his hold. Exposed, sensitive to how he touches her because she always is. Offers herself up always like a thing to be feasted upon, because she likes how he dips over her, gives into her. Settles himself to her like there is something to be had in her porcelain doll body.
Once it's gone, her hands come up again. Arms curving over his shoulders and knotting into his shirt. Scrunching it up in her fingers as she presses in close to him. The warm heat of her to scold him back. A steady coax that she's won even if she knows she's lost. ]
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He shouldn't be doing this. They shouldn't-- but Angel had asked. And Parker wants to. And excuse to delay the inevitable. He never wants to leave her. But he can't stay. She never wants to leave him. But she can't go.
Parker finally pulls back, breathing over her lips. He gets rid of his shirt with her help, doesn't care where it goes, before he starts walking them to her bed, feeling a slight pulse between his legs from only that already, because just like she is easy to him, he is easy for her. He slips his hands to the back of her thighs and slightly up, leaning in for another kiss, because he needs her, needs her always, and he likes her so much he could bleed through it. ]
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Stumbles back the steps, trusting him to guide her as barely parts her mouth from his. Desperate, harsh kisses that she breaths in against his mouth, like she's trying to make up for something. Her nails draw against him. Leaves welts of affection as his hands hook against the back of her thighs and tilts with it. Not willing to part from him, only to draw him down into her. ]
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Parker finally manages to break away from her lips for a second, to kiss the skin of her shoulder. He is soft as he does, his hands coming down to his jeans to fumble awkwardly with his buttons and zipper. It gets a little stuck, and he's distracted for a second, and ends up giving up because it's been too long (one second) that he isn't kissing her. So he does that, hands still on his jeans, but now stopping because he wants to focus on the kiss.
It's hungry at first, almost breathless, but then he-- he thinks. Slows down for a second. He wants her now, fast, dirty, but he wants her slow and gentle. He tries to control himself a little. Tilts his head to part his mouth to hers, stepping in so suffocatingly close. Drown him, drown him. ]
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But it's not to go far, she kisses the side of his mouth, his jaw, his neck. Because she always wants to drown him, in her, likes the way he gasps for air and she wants that now. Get him so worked up he can't think about anything else, until he's desperate against her and only for her. Gets to his shoulder and that's where she sinks down against the bed. One knee up, folding her legs underneath her as she settles and the gesture is drawn out as she kisses down the planes of his chest. Her hands settling against him to brace herself, around the curve of his sides as she moves down, down, down until she's perched at the edge of the bed and her descent draws her level to where his hands had stilled at the waist of his pants.
She finds his hands then, meanly, pushes them away to his sides as she leans in to nuzzle against the top line, at the line of his hips with the warmth of her breath run over him as she finds the button he had managed to get undone in his fumbling and follow after it. Undoing it one by one, biting at the skin of his hips that's exposed. Pulling it red and sensitive between teeth as she hooks it down. Taking it all down and out of her way as she smoothes her hands down his sides as she keeps her eyes lowered on her work.
Right until the last, where her eyes flick up, her hands settling flat, pressed to his hips. Considering him and as she gets his pants down just enough where the tip of his cock is - right there. Her eyes are bright and blue and on him utterly before she lowers her head again, and catches him between her lips. Soft, teasing, warmth of her mouth and the tickle of her breath against him. ]
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As she pushes his jeans down, Parker swallows dryly, looking at her. Redder than the mark she had left on his hip. ]
Are you--
[ He was going to ask if she was sure, but she cuts him off as she exposes more him, still a little soft, but it's about to change as she lowers her head. He closes his eyes, holding on to this moment. As much as he loves giving head, does every time, he can't help not to love the way her mouth feels so good and so warm and it makes his stomach twist a little. Can't help but to be a lot into it either, using his free hand to push his jeans and briefs down to let it fall around his ankles. Parker bends over himself just a fraction, can't help not to, setting a hand flat between her shoulders blades, brushing up and down in gentle caress. ]
Angel-- [ Pleading, begging, whatever she wants it to be. ]
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Her hands balance her, lets her get the movement she wants as she takes him further into her mouth, as much as she can. He settles heavy against her tongue and she flicks with it as she draws her head back again. One, cold second of the air in contrast to the heat she'd wrapped him in before her hand shifts to cover the base of him in a steadier pressure. Quick little movement as she works him over once, then twice with her fingers, then she moves her mouth around him again, tilting her eyes up again to fix on him as she does it this time. Feeling the jolt of him echo all the way down her to her belly. She's always gotten the same curling warmth any time she touched him and he - responded to her like this. Where he can't seem to manage more than her name.
Which then she does, the worst sort of way: where her mouth closes around him and can taste him, feel him, let him settle in a way that's utterly unforgiving heat and she hums in response, all around him. Just to see - how much she could make him buckle but not quite fall yet. ]
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It's hard to think about anything but her mouth on him. It's not like it's something she indulges in often, so Parker is still trying to keep himself as steady as possible to not to break concentration. It takes all of his will to not to move his hips too much, even more so as she takes more of him into her warm mouth. He holds in his breath, biting his lower lip, a frown of deep concentration to keep steady when he feels her tongue over his sensitive skin. Can feel himself go harder in her mouth and-- Jesus, the hair at the back of his neck stands as she wraps her fingers around him. He swallows, like it's the hardest thing to do, breathing out shakily to try to steady himself.
It almost shatters as she looks up and, yeah, he's watching, how could he not? All red in the cheeks and ears. Closes his eyes with a moan when she works him with her hand and mouth, shuddering from head to toe. It curls inside him, slow and steady, she's so terrible to him.
Not as much as she is when she hums around him and he can't help himself. His knees buckle slightly and Parker quickly holds on to her shoulders for support, higher noise that's almost funny if it wasn't so hot
because he's definitely a bottom. ]O-oh, fuck-- Fuck--
[ What are words again? All he knows to do is bring the hand from her back to her hair, holding it back gently, still doing his best not to jerk his hips, feeling himself throb with her mouth around him, so unforgiving. ]
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